How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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