I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
