I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
