HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He? As in you personified your dick?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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