Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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