Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Randomize
