Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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