so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
