i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
