So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
