I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
