Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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