our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
