Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
