That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think my moral compass just broke
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