Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
