Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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