explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
