i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize