No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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