So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
