i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
