I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
