he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
