She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
