home. puking in laundry basket.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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