People in love make me want to vomit
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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