I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
a search helicopter?!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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