So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize