Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
