at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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