Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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