Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
love makes seman taste better
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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