i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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