You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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