I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
