I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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