Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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