Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it was like eating out sand paper
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize