i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
