are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
