Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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