i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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