Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
accomplished twins. life is a go
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
