so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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