I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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