we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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