Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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