i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
