Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
