How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
