I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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