Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
In America we eat man semen.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize