And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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