i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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