Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
