the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Alive.
So much puke
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
