All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
