therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
