i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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