Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
