Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
as a side note pls kill me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
