The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
