...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
