Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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