They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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