terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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