It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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