he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
